SAVAGE SALVATION (2022) Robert De Niro / John Malkovich / Jack Huston

With Bruce Willis (sadly) out the 'gamble' as the #1 go-to-headliner in bespoke DTV actioners...Randall Emmett hasn't had to look far for contenders to the throne. Mel Gibson has popped up in a few Lionsgate 'cheapies' of late (dragging along Kevin Dillion on more than one occasion this year alone) and now (it would seem) Robert DeNiro (thankfuly taking time off being an under-opionated political gobshite leftist shill) can now be found (feathering his nestegg pension plan) in SAVAGE SALVATION (and like the Gibson/Dillon double-act of late) Denaro (pun intended) has brought John Malkovich along for the ride. Sticking with 'ride' analogies, this movie is a particulary bumpy, drawn-out journey to nowhere special, resulting in it's (already limited) audience/passengers to frequently ask...Are We There Yet?

 

(Fun Factoid: Both Maurice Binder and Saul Bass had nothing at all to do with this title design)

THE PLOT:

Set in some (un-named) bible-belt town, opening flashblacks/forwards (eventually) tell the tale of two young(ish) lovebirds, Shelby and Ruby, who try to kick their drug habit, get engaged and start a family. However, their usual supplier of narcotics (the wonderfully named 'Elvis Kincaid') is non-plussed about losing loyal customers and taunts Shelby with 'freebies' to get them back on his side and 'using' again. 

(Hero and Heroin)

After much 'cold-turkey' montages (and not the edible kind either) the pair eventually clean-up their act, and hit the road to visit Ruby's family and announce their impending nuptials...much to the delight of her (seemingly, evangelical) brother-in-law, Peter (John Malkovich) Good times, it would appear are forecast for the happy couple. However, Elvis manages to catch Ruby alone and (in a moment of weakness) she returns to drug use and promptly dies of an overdose, only to be found by Shelby the following morning. Filled with rage (and armed with a nail-gun) Shelby must first take the fight to Elvis (for giving his bride-to-be the fatal overdose) but as he sdtarts slaying those further down the chain of command, he discovers some startling revelations about who is actually running the drug trade in his hometown. Only grizzled Sheriff Church (Robert De Niro) can stop Shelby on his one-man vigilante crusade.

(Trying to come up with a suitable pun for this picture...But I can't seem to nail it?)

REVIEW:

If the end of my plot synopsis 'shoehorns' the inclusion of Robert De Niro into proceedings...that's only because the movie does likewise. With it's fractured timelines ("One Month Ago", "Three Weeks Later", not to mention the flashbacks/forwards) it's as if director Emmett was trying to evoke memories of 'No Country For Old Men', by having De Niro placed in different timelines (likely due to his actual limited time on set) But unlike the afformentioned movie, the speed, tempo and pace of this movie are very sluggish and (despite the cast) are bereft of any great performances to reward the reviewer through it's dull patches (which are aplenty)

('Rocky & Bullwinkle 2' never sounded so promising?)

DeNiro (especially) is embarrasing here. Remember his (pitiful) beatdown scene in 'The Irishman'?...This movie is a 97 minute embodiment of said scene. It's not his first DTV release, but it's clearly his most workman-like performance in some time (then again, I've never been that much of a fan and as far as I'm concerned he could/should have retired after 'Raging Bull') but his performance here is more like a bad caricature of De Niro (right down to the over-exaggerated grimace face, that his inspesonators sport) and his southern 'drawl' would give James Mason's 'Mandingo' accent a run for it's money.  For a movie with such a 'Just-Say-No' credo..De Niro should learn to say likewise to his casting agent.

(It's only the 'insanely hot' groupies that Keep Malkovich on the set)

 

John Malkovich (who's acting range is now officially listed as '40% toothy-grin') is another actor that I've never rated that much either, but he can be capable of the odd, sinister slimy bad-guy, under the right direction...However, Randall Emmett is NOT that director, I'm afraid. So what we have here, is Malkovich in around 3-4 scenes (tops) spouting off a lot of religious mumbo-jumbo, up until his (unlikely) eleventh-hour 'reveal'...in which he continues to spout even more religious mumbo-jumbo.

 

(Elvis has NOT left the building...Primarily due to him being nailed to 1/4 of it)

 

But whilst not being that big a fan of either (former) A-lister, I can at least appreciate their (one-time) standing in cinema history (De Niro, especially) so even I can forgive them taking the money and running (albeit jogging, at their respective ages) What I can't appeciate is Emmetts direction this time around. Savage Salvation makes Emmett's 2021 effort 'Midnight At The Switchgrass'...with Megan Fox (cough, cough!) look like APOCALYPSE NOW by comparison. My biggest gripe here isn't the 7 different production company logos (which took up over two minutes of the opening run-time) nor Emmett's (over) realiance on overhead 'Drone' shots (just in case, audience ever forget how roads work) nor the (unusually) long first and second acts....What turns my piss-to-shit, is the FUCKING ANNOYING AND INTRUSIVE MUSIC THAT ACCOMPANIES ANY AND EVERY FUCKING SCENE!!!!

(Sorry to 'DRONE' on about the endles overhead shots...DrumRollCymbal)

Seriously folks, nearly every scene in 'Savage Salvation' is intercut with a loud blast of (Alison Krauss-wannabe) folksy blues numbers, which usually form the basis for largely pointless montages, thus rendering portions of character dialogue indecipherable. And with neither 'Savagery' nor 'Salvation' kicking in until around the 60 minute mark, this is a tough slog even when you can here the dialogue. So the first two thirds are largely made up of (slightly worrying) over-stylized scenes of 'Cold-Turkey' or 'Shooting-Up' (I guess that passes as 'Romantic Drama' in 2022?) before the movie finally attempts to make good on it's title.

 

(To quote Jonny Mathis & Denise Williams - 'Too Much, Too Little, Too late')

The finale contains a sequence that could have been a semi-exciting bit of John Woo 'Heroic Bloodhed' but is ruined by the inclusion of another ear-raping folksy blues cover (ironically enough 'Amazing Grace') which might be OK for Donald Sutherland to evade space invaders to...But largely unforgivable over a (already, sparse) action scene in a 'billed' action movie. Made all the more tackier, by having most of the weaponary 'Gold-Plated' (wgich might impress Baz Luhrmann...But not moi)

(Being able to act in one's sleep, is a complement NOT a recommendation, Bobby)

How this movie is titled & promoted is primarily the problem here. Rumour has it, that it was originally filmed under the title of 'Wash Me In The River' but retitled to give it that (quote) 'Geezer-Teaser' appeal to action fans (although it would still be a lousy Hallmark drama movie, without the guns) But honesty in a world of largely 'switch-and-bait' DTV releases is a bygone practice it would seem? As it stands, I don't even think casual fans of the cast will stick through to the end of this movie?

(Malkovich checked his own 'upcoming' 2023 appearences on IMDB)

 

To recap (and thankfully 'end') this review, 'Savage Salvation' is a jouless, soulless exercise in tedium. Put together by a cast and crew that thankfully don't even have (Bruce Willis' tragic condition of) 'Aphasia' to excuse such a lackadaisical contempt for their audience (and/or cinema) It's sluggish, malnourished and loaded with intusive musical interludes and montages (that make 'Rocky IV' look positively Pinter-esque by comparisson) Let's not beat around the bush,  it's not only falsely advertised as an action movie...but also as an actual movie (per se) It guarantees no fun for the viewer (and beyond monetary rewards, I'll wager the cast and crew had little fun making it either?)

(I hope your 'agent' took this picture, Bobby?)

 

 

Come back Bruce, all is forgiven.