Showing posts with label cyborg. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cyborg. Show all posts

Friday, 14 May 2010

CYBER TRACKER (1994) Don 'The Dragon' Wilson


PM ENTERTAINMENT (Richard Pepin & Joseph Merhi) are responsible for some of the best low-budget movies out there. These guys are savvy enough, to know that it's not always about De nIro-like performances, coupled with Mamet-esque dialogue. PM give you non-stop, rough and ready action, and in 1994 at their height of power, they knocked out a b-movie classic, with more than a passing nod to The Terminator and Robocop (and Pepin directed it also)

(Don 'The Dragon' Wilson in action)

Don 'The Dragon' Wilson stars as Eric Phillips(1) a secret service agent(2) protecting Senator Dilly, who's attempting to pass a law, allowing unstoppable(3) Cyborg policemen to assume responsibility from the regular human variety. A anti-Cyborg fraction, The UHR (United Human Rights) attempt to stop this law (and resorting to terrorism to do such) which makes Phillips job more dangerous with every new attack. Dilly's second in command, Ross, doesn't like Phillips, and the two trade insults, and 'thousand yard stares' aplenty, until Phillips turns against his employers, after they cold-bloodedly murder a UHR member. Framed for the murder, Phillips finds himself on the run from the merciless Cyber-tracker policemen, who'll let nothing or no-one stand in their way.

CYBER TRACKER has similar elements to CYBORG COP, but seems a little less goofy. As usual PM start proceedings with a car chase/explosion, and continue throughout, til the 90 minute mark) Wheras CYBORG COP, did contain a few more lulls (but is genuienelly funnier and lighthearted, throughout)
Don 'The Dragon' Wilson(4) (never understood why his 'nickname' made it on the actual credit roll?) gives one of his better performances here (in what was his 13th film, in a 5 year period) and despite the 'hokey' dialogue, and hand-me-down plot, he (and the rest of the cast) keep a straight face, and deliver a solid action flick. Oh, did i mention that Richard Norton plays second in command, Ross (and let's face it, Richard Norton is much better value for money, than the terminaly boring and highly overrated Edward Norton, any day) so you just know he and Wilson are gonna 'trade punches' before this movies finished (to be fair, with a good guy/bad guy combo like this, the cyborgs come a pale third, in the packing order of excitement)

Anyhow, enough of the niceties, let's get to the 'ropey' elements (the sort that make you spit your cheap cider out, upon initial viewing) CYBER TRACKER may aspire to be Terminator-esque. But doesn't have the budget...resulting in some rather tacky FX, and garbled logic (befitting of a STV release)

The Cyborgs

These 'Trackers' are 'Right-Said Fred' lookalikes, who have morphing qualities that defy logic (let alone, rational sense). For instance, they can produce a (badly morphed CGI) 'police badge' from the palm of their hand, before arresting someone...But (and this is the real pisser) they can produce a side-arm from their legs. Sounds cool doesn't it? (so far, so Robocop) but whereas Peter Weller had a nifty opening and shutting leg compartment to administor his weapon, the Trackers have to tear away a strip of their black 501's to produce a gun which morphs out of the leg itself. A good job these Cyborgs are indistructable, otherwise they'd catch a cold, with all these torn trousers and exposed thighs?

(WTF! part I)


(WTF! part II)

As for the Cyborg FX, whenever things threaten to get technical (and animatronic, hence: expensive) the Cyborgs have a self healing 'green-ready-brek' glow that emits from there hands, that flattens out any busted circuits (reducing them to 'stuck on, tin-foil attachments)


You won't need to be Russell Grant(5) to figure that somewhere in this movies plot, Wilson is a hard-drinking divorcee. But this movie has one original idea up it's sleeve, in that Wilson has an A.I computer system (named AGNES) in his appartment (replete with asinine 'shelly Long-style accent) Don likes nothing more than after a hard days 'killing terrorists', to kick up his feet, open some booze, and indulge in the sadomasocistic self-recrimination of watching (and re-watching) the fateful day his wife left him (on CCTV) and even getting 'AGNES' drunk(?)

And it's during the 'drunk' computer scene, that CYBER TRACKER has one unique scene (admist the car flips and explosions) that's quite touching
(yep, I said it!) Phillips causes AGNES to be drunk by keying in a 50% 'perception loss' (when he promised only a 5% loss) to her memory bank.

(A genuinelly 'Touching Scene' from Cyber Tracker)

Agnes "Eric, i said five percent, this is too much (slurs) What was i going to say?"
Phillips "You love me"
Agnes (in completely gargled computer-speak) "I loovee youu Erricc"

Phillips smiles, but averts his attention from his artifical computer-love, long enough to notice a picture of his ex-wife. His smile turns sour in his realisation.

It truly is a great scene, lost in a sea of Car-flipping, and morphing cyborgs.

Oh yes, and whilst the
cliché-meter is running, let's not forget that, whilst on the run, phillips joins up with the UHR (who turn out to be ok, if a little inexperienced) but of course, the leader is a statuesque blonde, who takes a shining to 'The Dragon' (as per usual)

(DON Juan)

Anyhow, to cut a long story short......THE END (only joking!) But the Trackers (despite being billed as indestructable', are anything but) three of the buggers are sent out to kill Phillips (can you guess who wins in the end?) and thankfuly the fight between Phillips and Ross is pretty good showcase of why you hire Norton for an action flick (take note ROADHOUSE 2, i'm talking to you!!)

('Housewifes favourite' Richard Norton)

All in all, CYBER TRACKER does what it says on the tin (or be it, 'tin-foil' with this budget) It's no TERMINATOR, but miles better than the morose po-faced TERMINATOR SALVATION (a movie with a catering budget, bigger than the combined budgets and revenues of Don 'The Dragon' Wilsons entire career)
And to quote
Admiral Bates: "You'd think we'd learn something from that?"


Movie Highlights

04:09 (The Tracker, comes across a huge oversized model of a robot, in a nightclub he's just shot the shit out of. Upon scanning the model, with his Terminator-style on screen graphics, his memory banks try to identify the model and comes up with names of former 'screen' robots, like 'GORT' or 'T1000'' and 'THX1138' in it's fruitless search)

04:50 (A car explodes)

12:23 (A helicopter explodes)

13:30 (A van flips in mid air....................before exploding)

16:55 (Ross - "Phillips is nothing more than an impulsive, hot-headed ametuer")

18:32 (Phillips gets his home computer drunk)

22.37 (Awesome sleep device, that would also be beneficial to rapists)

25:55 (Don kicks mucho ass)

28:56 (And then proceeds to kick some more)

30:45 (A police car explodes)

31:41 (Send in a 'Tracker')

32:47 (Don stops everything, for a hot-dog)

36:52 (A fire engine explodes, in a rare automotive case of "Physician Heal Thyself")

45:20
(Send in another 'Tracker')

60:03
(Send in 'Richard Norton')

69:34 (Richard Norton captures Don 'The Dragon Wilson', in
a record 9:30 mins)

72:56 (Phillips removes his shirt)

74:24 (Ross Vs Phillips)

78:15 (Another 'Tracker')

80:42 (A cyber-Tracker AND a car....explode)

(A car flips, in a rare-one off scene from Cyber Tracker)


(
1 = not an overtly 'tough-guy' name like Frank Shatter for example?)

(
2 = But, in true Weng-Weng style, announces his confidential status, to all and sundry)

(
3 = Anything but)

(
4 = Who is not John Cho from the 'Harold & Kumar' movies, either)

(
5 = Rotund, Camp TV asstrologer, readily available when Christopher Biggins is 'elsewhere')

Friday, 7 May 2010

CYBORG COP (1993) David Bradley


The 80's spawned the TERMINATOR and ROBOCOP franchise. But it wasn't til the 90's (and the success of T2) that low budget film-makers jumped on the 'Cyborg' genre with gusto.
Nu-Image (just as PM Entertainment before them) were experts at getting as much 'Bang-for-your-buck' as their meagre budgets would allow, and swamped the video shelves with lurid action flicks, Erotic thrillers, Martial Arts Mash-ups and Futuristic Sci-Fi.

Their 1993 action/martial arts/sci-fi flick CYBORG COP (replete with token 'erotic scene' as standard) has to be seen (preferrably conscious) to be disbelieved (oh yeah, and laughed at)
Back in 1993, this probably seemed a cool concept, and if the budget had only stretched beyond it's $300 limit, then SCHINDLERS LIST might* have had some serious competition at the oscars.

David (American Ninja 3, 4 & 5) Bradley plays disgraced Ex DEA agent 'Jack' (no complicatd surnames required) Jack's been suspended, since he shot a psycho who'd taken a hostage (don't ask......okay then, if you insist....turns out the psycho was the son of a infuential millionaire, who got Jack kicked off the force...three cheers for the American justice system!) Down, but not out, Jack is soon sprung back into action when he gets word that his 'Special Forces' brother 'Phillip', has not returned from a covert operation on the Caribbean island of St. Keith. However we, the (desperate) viewer know only too well, that Phillip has been captured and re-built as a (dramatic pause........wait for it....) CYBORG!!

(ouch!)

It seems that the island of St. Keith is run by an evil meglomaniac scientist, called Kessel (played in full-tilt 'Lancashirian' mode, by John Rhys Davies) who not only posseses the "Ee, bah gum" and "Ecky Thump" accent, but also has a penchant for dressing like 'The Man From Del Monte' in a series of (rather unflattering) white suits.

("Ecky Thump, Sarborg Warriah")

David Bradley (who's actually a half decent martial artist) proves that you don't need muscles like Schwarzenegger to defeat a 'Tetley Tea-drinking-meglomaniac-scientist' like Kessel..... Because Jack has the ultimate weapon in this movie. Jack has a (once seen, never forgotten) FANNYPACK!

("Tickets please?")

Not just any old common-garden dayglo green 'nylon' fannypack...but a badass black Leather one (which matches his belt, replete with gold medalion trinkets, that rounds off his whole Alannah Miles look to a treat) and what's even worse is:

A) It hangs down, just enough to look like a codpiece.
B) He never takes it off, throughout the movie (i shit thee not!)

Anyhow, back to the plot (or lack of?)
Upon arriving at St. Keith, Jack teams up with nosey (busty, blonde) reporter Cathy, and the two begin a 'love-hate' realationship (leading to the inevitable 'soft-focus-love-scene)

Amidst your yawns, I hear you cry "What about the Cyborgs?"
Let me tell you, Stan Winston and ILM should have called it quits, the day this movie hit the shelves (check out the 'cyborg' designs below)


Kessel has invented a new form of metalic substance (so flexible, it resembles cheapo 'silver-painted' rubber) to adorn his prized creations. These badboys don't need T2 morphing FX, these guys have 'Freddy Kruger' style fingernails, tin-foil headgear and rubber chest-plates.

Meanwhile, after various scrapes in the Caribbean (a'la ROMANCING THE STONE) the scene is set for an all out war between Jack and his Cyborg brother (will Phillip shun his Cyborg programming, team up with Jack, kill Kessel and fight off another super human Cyborg assassin, only to die, saving his brother, leaving the fannypacked crusader to decapitate the Cyborg assassin with a motorbike?.........Well, that would be telling!)

CYBORG COP is a masterpiece of trash movie-making. It's a shame it bypassed cinemas*, because when watched with a bunch of friends (if only?) the film is a hoot (and alcohol only makes it funnier.) From Bradleys histronic performance (and hair) Rhys Davies' camp-Brian Glover impersonation, and the ropey looking rubber/metal cyborgs.......this movie has it all (and even spawned a sequel, which i'll get round to reviewing in the near future)

Movie Highlights

01:37 (Psychopathic hostage taker "I want my mommmy...or I'll blow her fucking head off!")

25:24 (Jack - "You sonaffabitch!")

26:36 (Jacks hilarious fight scene with his ex boss, who's cockney accent keeps shining through)

27:57 (Kessel's pointless 'wall-installed-robot-arm' called Michael, that hangs up the phone)

30:00 (Kessels hilarious interogation of Cyborg Cop Phillip)

40:27 (Kessel - "Allow me t'present...The K3 prototype Sarborg Assassin")

42:46 (Kessel looks at rival bosses henchman - "He's a big lad, isn't he?........My word, a big lad!")

44:40 (Kessel seals a $25m deal with - "Right then, how bout a nice cup o'tea?")

56:28 (Rastafarian "Yeah boi, he one gud whyte boi fighter!")

58:24 (Token love-making sequence)

60:21 (Kessel affectionately taps henchman on cheek - "Oooh, i could smack you sometimes" then blows him a kiss)

77:41 (Kessel - "And with all due modesty my dear Captain Callan, I may say that I am the greatest scientist on Earth!!")

85:22 (Kessel - "Phillip...I command you..... kill your brother!")


(*= Not really)
(*= Would be a great double-bill with Castellari's HAMMERHEAD)