DEATH RING (1992) Mike Norris

Before i go any further with my inane (poorly spelt) ramblings, may i take the time to apologise for not reviewing this classic movie sooner. DEATH RING is a stone cold classic (that my nephew and myself, never tire of watching) and it's also one of the rare cases of a movie that's better than a lot of the flicks it's (clearly) ripping off.

Matt Collins (Mike Norris, son of Chuck) is a decorated (yet unemployed) 'Special Forces Lieutenant' who has just won a televised 'Tough Guy endurance' competition...which (unfortunately for him) attracts the attention of perverse millionaire 'Danton Vachs' (Billy Drago, son of a bitch, i guess?)

('Self Explanatory' picture #1)

Vachs puts together human-hunting weekends for rich clients, and impressed by Matts stamina, thinks he's found the perfect prey for his next hunt (after a disappointing 'hunt' last year) Vachs (replete with Chinese henchwoman, Miss Ling) sends out his goons to capture Matt, and bring him to his island. What he doesn't know is, Matt is not only resourceful...but he's a 'Double-Hard Bastard' to boot!


("Fuck The Great Escape" thought Chad McQueen)

Oblivious to all of this, Matt is going through the usual routine "Poor me and my rich girlfriend" self-recriminating shit. Matt feels he should be the one 'bringing home the bacon' (so to speak) instead of his wealthy girlfriend Lauren. He has another shoulder to blubber on, in the shape of ex-army buddy 'Skylord' Harris (Chad McQueen, son of Steve) a laid back 'Bret Michaels' wannabe biker boy, who apparently is (quote) "Like all birds, clumsy on the ground...but in the air there's nobody better" and has also saved Matts life during combat service.


(Hey, even bad guys gotta 'date' too)

One softcore sex-scene later, both Matt and Lauren are kidnapped by Vach's goons and taken to meet their captor. Skylord gets on the case, rushing around town, doing the whole "Have you seen this tattoo" shamus shit, kicking a little ass, and forsaking the obligatory 'Playboy trimmage', on his quest to find his buddies.


(An unpleased Skylord is asked "Is that a gun in your pocket?")

Matt awakes on Vachs island, and is introduced to the hunters (a motley bunch of crude stereotypes) and is also reunited with Lauren, who will act as an incentive for him putting on a good chase for the hunters....who all introduce themselves at the dinner table:


Apache (Henry Kingi) a strong silent 'Red-Indian' type, who cites his specialist skills as "Apache". When asked "Is that it?".....He replies "It's enough!"


The Iceman (Victor Quintero) who simply introduces himself as "Soldier Of Fortune"


Mr Chen (George Kee cheung) ex KCIA (and chief decapitator from 'The Exterminator')


Mr Temple (Donegan Smith) a Casey Kasem looking attorney/infamous hunter/evil bastard


Mr Cross (Bramscombe Richard) a briefly glimpsed, rather pissed off hunter who makes the mistake of badmouthing Vach, mid-speech (no-one puts 'Billy' in the corner) and is promptly stabbed with a fork, before being kicked to death by Danton for his troubles.


(Vach gets 'Fork-in-Cross')

Eighteen kicks later (yep, i counted them) plus one more for luck Vachs has his two female bodyguards (Bambi & Thumper) to remove the body, before launching into another long winded Billy Drago-esque speech (replete with crazy hand gestures, and pseudo cod-psychology) and even has a 'weapons lottery', by drawing numbered balls and giving out (racially stereotypical) weapons to the hunters, and showing off the elusive prize for the winner....the FUCKING DEATH RING!!!!!! (Oh yeah!)

('Self Explanatory' picture #2)

The next morning, Matt is given a four hour head start by Vachs, but not before vowing to get back at his captor. Vachs promises to let Matt and Lauren walk free, as long as he "evades the hunters" But on a deserted island, Matt can run....but is unlikely to hide. During his headstart, we are treat to the hunters getting psyched up (Apache lights a fire and shouts war cries...Iceman lifts weights...Mr Chen and Temple swap some spiritual mumbo-jumbo, whilst meditating)

(Drago stipulated that only HE could move his hands, during dialogue)


Matt meanwhile (in true Rambo style) makes a few traps out of branches, and covers his face in dirt as camouflage (although his stonewashed 501's and bright green shirt may betray such noble intentions) Vachs has his hunters drink snakeblood, before launching into another incoherent ramble (but hey, this IS Billy Drago, afterall) before finally unleashing the hunters. Apparently Vachs has his hunters microphoned, so along with Miss Ling, he sits back in his mansion and listens to the carnage firsthand.


("Hips or Lips?")


First up, Mr Chen gets the drop on Matt. After much kung-foolery, the 'oriental gentleman' is caught in a makeshift trap and stabbed. A victorious Matt shouts more of the obligatory "I'm coming to get you" crapola to (an unimpressed) Vachs. Skylord putting the clues together back home and during his snooping, is kidnapped by a strange man (who, thankfully has no famous relatives) and turns out to be after Vachs himself. He forces a beat up goon (from pic #5) to spill the beans on Vachs island and sends Skylord off to find his friend.


(Well, i've gotta try attract female readers to this blog as well)


Wandering through the woods, Matt falls down a hole and is at first attacked and then befriended by John Blackwell (Don Swayze, brother of the late lamented Patrick) who explains that he's hid down the cavern, since evading the last lot of hunters. Problem is, Blackwell has injured his leg, but together the two 'huntee's' decide that two heads are better than one (even if Swayze's head looks like a 'shrunken' version of his brothers) and set out to turn the tables on the remaining hunters.

(and homosexual readers, also)


And along comes Apache (replete with tomahawk) races at Matt, and after much fuck-uppage is promptly skewered/murdered, in a scene likely to evoke memories of the cheyanne massacre from Soldier Blue. During another bout of "I'm gonna get you's" by Matt, Vachs overhears Blackwells voice, to which the injured huntee replies "Yeah, it's me...back from the dead and ready to kick your ass"


(Typical Republicans in '92'....hiding behind Bush)


Sensing the prey is imminent (a clearly insane) Mr Temple garrotes The Iceman (talk about 'helping the enemy') and takes his trademark machete before engaging in a battle with Matt. This sets the scene for some great metaphorical dialogue before the ruckus:

(The iceman Gonneth)

Temple "I've never lost at anything...not in law, not with women, not in games. I'm grateful for you being so skilled, it's kept me from my first failure"

Matt "Jury's still out on this case"

Temple "I've heard they reached a verdict" (before lunging with a huge machete)


(Temple proved to be a bit of a redneck)


Matt gets a few kicks in, but Temple starts to kick the shit out of him. Just as Temple moves in for the kill, Blackwell bashes the fuck out of the psychotic lawyers neck, thus saving Matts life (and inching closer to a man-o-mano with Vach at his island fortress)

(Yep, Ray Liotta and Michael Jackson DID breed)

Both Matt and Blackwell storm Vachs liar (making short shrift of the many guards) and hey look, Skylord pulls up in a fucking helicopter. I guess we can now expect a showdown between Matt and Vachs, and Lauren against Miss Ling? In a noble act of chivalry, Matt spares us a female rumble by kicking Miss Ling out the fucking window, before getting into a swordfight with Vach...resulting in much more 'rhubarb, rhubarb' from Drago, before a messy decapitation takes care of the perverted millionaire.

("Gillette...the best a perverted millionaire can get!")

Matt and Lauren are reunited, Skylord drops in to say hello. Old friends are reunited and new friends (i.e, Blackwell) are introduced. Just as all this shit seems tied up, Matt is suddenly attacked by Miss Fucking Ling (one tough bitch, she be) Lauren shoots her a new asshole though...so despite my assertion that Matt Collins is indeed a "Double-Hard-Bastard"...he has (in fact) been saved from imminent death by nearly every good guy in this movie.

("Come to Drago's eaterie....Just $10 a head")


With Vachs island fortress loaded with explosions, and the good guys about to fly away to freedom, Matt leaves the safety of the helicopter and runs back to the mansion, but returns seconds later. Airbound and shit-eating grins aside, Lauren asks her intended why he went back to the mansion for. Matt lifts up his hand, and proudly announces "THE DEATH RING" (classic end to a classic movie...with a pay off rivaled only by Martin Kove's 'pour-beer-on-own-head' finale from 'Project Shadowchaser')

(Got-Gold-Get-Gash)

Death Ring may lack the budget of HARD TARGET, or the 'first-generation' cast of SURVIVING THE GAME...But for my money (which admittedly is paltry) DEATH RING is one the finest 'Most Dangerous Game' rip-offs out there. And a must for fans of STV movies, and Billy Drago completests everywhere (of which I am) For good solid storytelling, above average production values and performances, DEATH RING is one to 'Hunt' down (geddit...hunt....ha-ha-ha!...I made a funny!)

BTW, was it intentional to have characters named Mr Cross and Mr Blackwell in the same movie?.....I soupose it was....Ha-Ha..I'm on a (Bread) roll with the gags...hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! (cough, splutter, spits out cheap cider, etc)

MISSION OF JUSTICE (1992) Jeff Wincott

Oh the 90's......
How I'd flock to the video shops (still) and rent out the latest wannabe SEAGAL stuff. Now to be fair, Jeff Wincott was one of my favourites, because he didn't just want to imitate Seagal (unlike say...Thomas Ian Griffith?) but tried to put a unique spin his biff/shoot em' ups (and played a diverse range of characters, from lawyers to doctors) in his (too short) acting career. But MISSION OF JUSTICE sees Wincott in full-tilt kick ass cop mode, in this hugely enjoyable (slightly campy) action fest.

Wincott plays Kurt Harris, a tough cop (partnered up with martial arts babe Karen Sheperd) as Lynne. Right from the get-go, we see Harris throw a wife-beater through a window, and then look on in shock belief, as the beat up housewife has second thoughts on prosecuting her violent husband. But hey...these be mean streets, so mean, that before they can get the wife beater to the police station, Harris notices three punk-types 'Robbing-a-convenience-store' (tm)

After some sub-Hard To Kill type shenanigans, Kurt and his partner get the drop on all but one of the punks. Kurt gives chase, only to find that he's been detained (i.e, kicked the shit out of) by a young chap named Jimmy, part of some 'Guardian Angel' types called THE MISSION (sub-plot #1). Kurt thanks this good Samaritan (yet seems a little uneasy about citizens taking the law into their own hands)

Back at the police station, Kurt finds out that the charges have been dropped on the wife beater, and rushes back to find the spouse (literally) beating the shit out of his good lady wife (NOTE: Whilst i don't find 'Spousal-Battery' of any gender funny....this scene is hilarious, as the husband punches her about 30 times...like some 'Streets Of Rage' super-move on the Sega Megadrive) and Kurt punches the abusive husband about 60 times in retaliation. Sexual politics aside, it's a damn funny sequence.


Disillusioned with police procedures (and all that other bullshit) Kurt shouts at his captain (surely 'role reversal' in movies like this?) and promptly quits the force. Whilst sat in his downbeat apartment (no huge warehouses with neon lights for this renegade cop!) he notices a tv commercial, featuring those pesky 'Street-Police' THE MISSION, and it's leader (the badly miscast, but always fun) Brigitte Nielson, as Rachael Larkin...who is also running for 'Mayor' (subplot #2)


And this subplot, leads Larkin to attempt to drum up support for her campaign. Ex-heavyweight boxing champ, Cedric Williams (who has had previous dealings with her) wants noting to do with her campaign, and threatens to sue her P.R team, for using an image of himself and Larkin in an election poster. What Larkin doesn't know, is that Cedric and Harris are good friends.



Larkin (replete with TITUS...played by DTV legend Mathias Hues) pay Cedric a visit one night as he's closing his gym. Unbeknownst to them, Young Jimmy is watching on, helpless as Larkin threatens Cedric, and then suggests a bout between Titus and the Ex-champ. Cedric gets a few punches in, but the giant henchman, uses kung fu moves on the pugilist, and breaks his fingers, before:
A) Kicking the shit out of him.
B) Larkin slits his throat with her 'Trademark double knife move'.

(Tony Burton counts the number of Rocky Movies he'd appeared in)

Young Jimmy (who's grandmother is a loyal supporter of Larkin, monetary and otherwise) flees the scene, telling no-one of what he's witnessed. Kurt, on the other hand, wants answers (and doesn't let the fact that he's no longer a cop...stop him from busting heads to find out.)
Putting vague clues together, he links THE MISSION to the events, and signs up to join them. He must not only complete endless application forms, but also allow himself to be filmed, whilst confessing to secrets, with monitors and pads stuck to his body (Scientology, anyone?) After a few 'not-quite-ready-yet' quips from Larkin, Kurt is ready to be inducted to THE MISSION, but first must prove himself in 'The Gauntlet'

This sequence, is one of the best martial arts fights put on film (yeah, fuck you MATRIX trilogy) showcasing Wincotts fighting skills to their full potential. The 'stick-fighting' stuff is great, as one-by-one, our hero knocks the fuck out of all comers, in a blistering display of foot and fistery.

Now that Kurt has gained Larkins trust, he accompanies other MISSION members on various do-gooding, i.e, kicking a bunch of asses (including a nifty fight scene in a chop-shop...replete with 'Chainsaw-Fu' and a lynching?) and he occasionally bumps into his old work buddies, and gloats that fighting crime is better, when you're not tied down to the bureaucracy of the badge (a'la SHOTGUN) He also gets tidbits of police 'intel' from the ever-helpful Lynne.

Kurt (who now lives in THE MISSION H.Q) sneaks past the guards and locates the videotaped testaments of Cedric (seems Larkin had 'fight-fixing allegations' hanging over him) and takes the tape as evidence. However a guard notices the tape is missing, so Larkin (smelling a rat in her organisation) kidnaps Jimmy (and also suffocates his trusting Grandmother....Not before she's signed all her possessions to THE MISSION, of course...Harold Shipman, eat-your-wife-out!)

It's Election night, and things are looking good for Larkin...she's ahead in the polls, and the only thing that could stop her now, is a (quote) "ex-cop-turned-vigilante-vigilante-with-video-footage-of-her-evil-schemes"
Kurt fights off all her henchman (and in true 90's sexual equality, Lynne deals with the henchwoman) before having his final fight with Titus (who proudly is still wearing the heavyweight belt he stole from Cedric, before murdering him.....which in itself is quite disturbing?) Angered by this, Kurt gives Titus a belt of his own (right round the chops) which sends him flying through a window, and onto the election crowd below. The police attempt to arrest Kurt, but a weary and tortured Jimmy staggers in the hall, to tell all about Larkin murdering Cedric and his grandmother. The police move in on Larkin (who performs her trusty old "Two-Knives-Technique" on Harris...who's having none of it (thank you very much) The police take her away. And kurt is (probably) re-instated on the police force (for a life of low-paid, badge wearing, bureaucracy-putting-up-with....ahead of him)


MISSION OF JUSTICE didn't exactly cause UNFORGIVEN, UNDER SEIGE or THE BODYGUARD sleepless nights back in 1992 (hell, i dare say AMITYVILLE 1992: IT'S ABOUT TIME made more of a dent in the rental charts) But it does what it says on the tin. And as good as Eastwood, Hackman and Harris were...you've lived a wasted life life, until you've heard Tony Burton scream "You broke my FUCKING fingers!!!!" to a seven foot kick-boxer. And sometimes, little details like that, can make (or break) a movie, as far as I'm concerned.