CODE OF HONOUR (2016) Steven Seagal

Back in 1974, the late, great (and much missed) Michael Winner kickstarted the whole 'Vigilante' genre with the seminal classic 'DEATH WISH'. By the time of the third movie in 1985, Charles Bronson was referred to as 'Mr Vigilante' (presumably for postal reasons) But I guess such labelling would be demed 'Transphobic' nowadays?
In 2016 (the rightful heir to Bronsons stoic tough guy persona) Steven Seagal revives the genre...but up's the ante, by being referred to as (I shit thee not) 'The Super Vigilante' (not entirely sure if this is a dig at the current glut of DC/Marvel franchise pics....or merely just the Stout Sensei's ego running into overtime?) But digression aside, CODE OF HONOR has (after a brief stint in about 4 cinemas in Syria) hit VOD/DVD.

Can Seagal still (literally) kick it?....Have I learnt to string together semi-coherent sentences yet?....Read on to have all your fears and doubts confirmed?

A drug deal with two rival gangs ends in a (CGI) bloodbath, when M.I.A Colonel Robert Sikes picks them off from a great distance with a high powered rifle. Clocks get stopped, heads get put to bed, as our cigar-chomping goateed anti-hero casually guns down a multicultural selection of assorted badguys. It's a pretty cool sequence with explosions and shot up cars (but the CGI blood lets it down a little) After dispatching all but two of the criminals, Sikes parasails down (with back projection worthy of an episode of Adam West's 'BATMAN') before knifing one bad guy, and leaving one survivor (presumably to warn others)

(Goatee in motion......Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!)

 The police arrive (surprise, surprise...5 minutes later) and notice mysterious Federal agent William Porter (Craig Sheffer) snooping around the crime scene. After a brief dick-measuring contest, Porter works in liaison with the police, without giving too much away of his actual intentions at this point

 ("I don't care if you are Elton John....FREEZE!")

The director realises too much plot/dialogue/exposition may be off-putting to Seagal's fanbase, so we then skip to the obligatory (if not contractually enforceable) 'Strip Club' sequence. Seagal (requiring no doubles in this location) sits there gazing on as a bunch of surgically enhanced 'Ladies' shake their meat to the disco beat. No doubt, the character of Sikes is meant to be thinking of black Op missions in Angola....However Seagal (the thespian) merely lights another stogie and piehawks in silence (and 30 minutes into the movie, and he still hasn't uttered, mumbled or southern drawled a single word yet.....let alone had words dubbed into his mouth) Seagal talked more in HARD TO KILL (and he portrayed a coma patient in that one)

  (The Horror.....The Horror")

Amidst this naked flesh, we are introduced to the character of  Kerri (Helena Mattsson) a Heather Graham lookalike. In keeping with the order of natural selection/misogyny found in these movies, she doesn't actually strip off, and has a backstory and shit. When her child gets ill at School she leaves the strip club early, after warning her fellow worker to watch out for the scary looking guy sat in the back row (Seagal) as apparently he's a lousy "tipper" (I have it on very good authority that Steven Seagal is very generous with Strippers, Sex-Workers, etc.......but that's for another court case, I guess?)

 ("Nice legs....What time do they open?")

With our unlikely heroine out of the club, Sikes averts his gaze from the dancers long enough to notice a gang of scummy criminals sat ahead of him. With little regard for what few innocent patrons are in the club, Sikes exits the bar, and then gives new meaning to the term 'Blow Job' by bombing the shit out of the establishment (tough shit, if you just called into the 'Snake Eyes Strip Club' asking for directions, or a book of matches?)

 (Seagal regretted eating Chilli-Peppers before a fight scene)

Admittedly, it's a pretty cool sequence to see Seagal walk away (as a building explodes in slow-mo behind him) in what I assume (given how shoddy the actual CGI work is in the movie) a real shot done in one take?

  (Every good Fire Engine needs it's Hoes)

Kerri returns to work (with no further mention of her child's illness) and is met by Porter at the crime scene. Porter notices Sikes looming in the background (like Michael Myers in 'HALLOWEEN' ) But our 'Anti-Hero-Super-Vigilante-Colonel-Commander' vanishes 'Like A Ghost' (tm) These vigilante murders have not gone unnoticed by local crime boss 'Romano' (an underused James Russo, clearly paid in cocaine for his appearence here) who senses a pattern, and is keen to Question Kerri (as the only survivor of the Strip Club massacre) He sends his goons to retrieve her.

  (Craig Sheffer celebrated bagging a role in his first, but probably not last 'Seagal' movie)

 Porter decides to come clean about the vigilante to the police, and introduces Sikes in the customary 'Isn't -He-Just-So-Fucking-Cool' monologue (an unwritten law in all Seagal movies) to his bemused colleagues

(Quote:)

"His name is colonel Robert Sikes....He is a Commander of one of the most elite units....His service record is impeccable....His skills at hand-to-hand combat...weapons, firearms, explosives is un-matched. He's trained to blend into any city, any terrain. And he's using those skills and that training to go after gangs or drug dealers, or anyone, who in his mind is threatening the moral fabric....the well being of this country"

 (Nice knife-Rack)

It transpires that whilst Sikes was leading Black Op missions around the globe, his wife and child were accidentally killed in the crossfire of a drive-by-shooting.....Hence his 'Vigilante-ism' The police send out Detective James Peterson (Louis Mandylor) to apprehend Sikes by all means necessary.

Meanwhile, Romano's goons catch up with Kerri at her house, but Porter arrives and goes ape-shit with his knives. Giving chase in an alleyway (one of the many glamorous locations on display, Ladies and Gentlemen) Romano's heavies are just about to get the drop on Porter (who is out of bullets and knives) when up pops Sikes (and at the 45 minute mark) utters his first lines of dialogue. Sikes mumbles some deep mumbo-jumbo about "Saving The World" and "Anonymity" There's a begrudging sense of respect between Master and Pupil, they agree to not kill each other long enough to arrange a second meeting at a nightclub (owned by Romano, no less) later that evening.

(Just say No.......To fake CGI Blood)

With a few hours to kill (not to mention 'Criminals') Sikes takes his brand of justice to a small gathering of scuzzy drug addicts. Oddly enough, he only shoots the male stoners. Leaving one zapped out woman smoking her crack pipe, oblivious to being covered in the brain matter of the dealer that lays dead, alongside her? A bizarre sequence. Vicious, nasty (and even in a movie of this ilk, morally questionable) but lessened slightly by more CGI assisted blood (are squibs so expensive, nowadays?)

 (The lighter side to Steven Seagal)

In an actual act of rare common sense for this kind of movie, Porter actually informs the police about his meeting with Sikes. And goes to meet his ex commander not only wired up, but with a tactical squad nearby to apprehend the 'Super Vigilante'

Sikes, undaunted lights another ciger (giving his erstwhile namesake George Segal a run for his money) and continues to make up for lost dialogue (by not shutting the fuck up about Porters many failings in life)

Namely that Porter had (quote)

"Fucked everything that moved....Drank every drink....Snorted every drug.....Accepted every vice......Foreign And Domestic"

This seems to be the juxtaposition between Sikes and Porter. Sikes had his family cruelly taken away from him....Whereas Porter pissed his family away. For all the mocking of the movie....This is a pretty good sequence, and Seagal actually manages to nail the intensity of the scene.

(Always turn off your flash, whilst taking 'Selfies' in the mirror)

After mucho introspection, Sikes then caasually announces that he's holding not only another detonator, but also a radio scrambler (to prevent the tactical squad from getting the nod) and that Porter is sitting on a timebomb (like quote: "The one we used in Afganistan") which will detonate if Porter leaves the seat. Romano however, is onto the duo in his club, and a gunfight ensues....Requiring Porter to fight off the bad guys whilst remaining seated. Sikes just disappears ("Like-A-Fucking-Ghost" etc)

(Russo surrenders all dignity in his role as Drug Lord Romano)

Romano surrenders and is arrested, and is due to stand trial. However, Sikes blows his head off at a jam-packed (14 person) press conference outside the law courts. Everyone is covered in Further CGI brain matter, and (hopefully) the producers sent Russo packing with his well-earned $20, and directions to the nearest Billy Zane, Albert Pyun, Eric Roberts film-set (whilst that particular afternoon was still young)

(Utah's Parking Laws were getting stricter by the day)

Kerri (and son) move into Porters seedy hotel room (not sure if that's allowed under Utah's 1998 'Hotellier Health & Safety' Regulations?) Regardless, it forces Porter to ditch his bottles of booze, bond with the child, and clean his act up. Meanwhile there's a (frankly pointless) subplot about the Commissioners daughter  getting killed in the nightclub shoot-out. And also a Senator who likes sleeping with girls that are (clearly) 60 years younger than he is?  The police finally manage to locate a file on Sikes (most of it Redacted) which leads them to question if Porter is making the whole thing up, to cover his own vigilante tactics?

(Let's hope they omitted 'MY GIANT' from this dossier?)

And it seems that the Police might actually be onto something, as Porter flees his motel, and finds a trail of dead bodies that Sikes has left in his wake. However, we are now (confusingly) shown all of Sikes previous kills performed by Porter. It seems\ like an interesting concept? Is porter imagination Sikes as a manifestation for his rage? Quite apt, given that Seagal is always referred to as a "Ghost" (or is a dig at the fact that he's never on set enough) For a brief spell it seems as if this eleventh hour 'twist' will result in the first time a Seagal character hasn't actually been in a Seagal movie at all?

(A guy actually older than Seagal get's the love scene in this one?)

However this 'concept' is ditched when Porter gets the drop on Sikes on a rooftop. The two guys shoot the shit, then engage in a pretty cool knife fight. Sikes notices police helicopters closing in, and jumps through a skylight....Leaving the police to think that Porter *IS* the vigilante. Porter evades police fire, and makes down into the building to see if Sikes Survived the fall. Of course Sikes survived the fall.....he's played by Steven Fucking Seagal. Although he does have to remove a shard of glass from his hand (so maybe Seagal is aware of his own omnipotence) But s soon as the glass is removed, both men resume their fight, before Sikes activates another bomb. Porter runs away, but the explosion takes out most of the top floor of the building.....Surely no-one could survive that?

(Never punch a guy with a glass jaw)

The police retrieve one burnt corpse from the wreckage....which is identified as Sikes. Kerri and her son are siting nearby,  and it seems that the youngster has been given a catchers mitt by his mothers "Friend" (which we, the viewer is meant to think was Porter....however the scene is left open ended by not showing either character).....So, who actually survived.....and more importantly....Who actually existed? All in all, it's a pretty enigmatic and ambitious ending to what is an otherwise routine STV action thriller?

("Mommy, shall I wait here, whilst the guy with the goatee shags you in the customary creepy finale?")

CODE OF HONOUR is a really interesting movie. Sure it's low budget, and lacks big set pieces. But all of it's faults (chiefly CGI blood) it manages to spread out it's limited content, thanks to good pacing. It tries to do something different with the Seagal formula. Like 'Bruce' the shark in JAWS, it utilises the inactivity of it's star, by adding a mystery element. It's not a prefect plot-twist, but it's a risk that the likes of (Seagal's usual director) Keoni Waxman rarely take with his star. Apert from the bad CGI, another grumble is the lack of fights. Craig Sheffer (a really underused talent) does the majority of the fight scenes in this one. Seagal seems content to just sit back and pick off his prey with a high powered rifle. He's cool doing it....But had he snapped a few arms, or at very least 'Took-The-Ruckas-To-All-These-Motherfuckas' and bust some aikido on these street punks....this could have a mini-classic?

(Don't ask)

Michael Winnick directs proceedings in a very workmanlike manner. But (after a glut of previous over-complex Seagal flicks) sometimes 'basic' can be a blessing. I love the theme of the Teacher/Student chase. And the fact that they nearly went all 'Twilight-Zone-ish' at the end was a brave attempt to mix it up a little (after the slightly generic 'ABSOLUTION') But good intentions don't always result in good movies, and whilst I enjoyed the movie.....I could see the average punter (clearly expecting UNDER SIEGE 3 with very new release) being a bit bored, or even baffled with this one? For once the plot satisfies....it's the action that underwelms. Maybe if MARVEL were thinking of another Big Screen PUNISHER re-boot, perhaps Seagal could still be nimble enough?

(The polar opposite to FIRE DOWN BELOW)

After waiting what seemed like an eternity in DTV land after ABSOLUTION (2015) Seagal now has FOUR more movies to be released this year. ASIAN CONNECTION has more action, but looks generic. THE PERFECT WEAPON has a sci-fi slant (but looks a little too low budget) KILLING SALAZAR looks decent (but I think Like Goss and Georges St. Pierre will be the main stars of that one....Plus Keoni Waxman is directing) As with END OF A GUN (but the details haven't been verified yet) Another movie CONTRACT TO KILL will probably turn up in 2017 (same with the rumoured Seagal directed 'ATTRITION') So like the proverbial bus....You wait all day for a Seagal....and then four come along at once.

(Even if you had infinity knives....I would punch you up into the air like a kite)

I doubt CODE OF HONOUR will gain Seagal new supporters. But his diehard fanbase should enjoy it, whilst maybe bemoaning the lack of hand-to-broken hand combat. Seagal isn't dubbed in this one, although he is slightly doubled in the long silhouetted shots of the climactic knife fight. Seagal also seems a lot slimmer in this (which is another reason they should have been more action) A few more fight scenes may have lifted it out of the ordinary (or at very least complimented the plot-twist in the final third) The other performances are all ok (no real stinkers) Sheffer is his usual intense (Don Stroud-Looking) self. Russo is good in his few scenes. Mandylor is reassuringly bland and the requisite eye-candy is present and correct.

(More bad CGI blood)

I was chuckling slightly at the end credits at the bizarre 'Special Thanks To' credits, that kick of such plaudits as (quote) "All Those That Rescue Shelter Animals" (which then makes it look s if the subsequent names have all adopted 3 legged cats from their local Pet-Pound) Axeman 'Eddie Van Halen' is one such name on the 'Special Thanks' list....and to be fair, the funky (almost 80's sounding) Guitar track on the closing credits sounds a lot like his handiwork....I wonder if he and Seagal have ever 'jammed' together?

Interesting (ish) Factoid

Seagals character makes a few references to the term 'Foreign And Domestic' throughout the movie.....which was the original title of this movie, back in it's development stage.




Technical Guff

Code Of Honour is brought to you (in the UK) by 'Highfliers Films' on the DVD format only (Bastards....I want it on Blu-Ray) It is rated 18, runs at 106 minutes, and has zero special features (unless you think a choice of listening to the movie in either Dolby Digital Stereo or Dolby Digital 5.1 is somehow qualifies as a feature?) It does however contain trailers for the following:

The Runner
D-Day Survivor
Haunting At 1666
Essex Vendetta (which looks really funny and right up my street)
Alien Battlefield
Badge Of Honor

ATTACK FORCE (2006) Steven Seagal

After a long delay (sorry guys, I've been watching back-to-back eisodes of DALLAS) I thought I'd return with a biggie (in every sense of the word) in the form of Steven Seagals 2006 (Sci-fi/Romanian mobster/is it/isn't it/sci-fi/horror/dub-fest) masterpiece ATTACK FORCE.

(The photoshopped 'slightly large head' should tell you all you need to know)

As usual with most of Seagals DTV movies, constant re-writes are as standard (titles also change....usually to work around the tried and tested '3 word formula', associated with the Stout Sensei's movies) SUBMERGED (another classic, i can't wait to review) was originally intended to be a movie about underwater sea-mutants (sounds fucking awesome) but eventually was dropped, in favour of the old 'special ops' mission movie (and only featured about 15 minutes screen time, actually in a submarine)
But in mid 2005, it was stated that HARVESTER was to be Stevens first foray into Sci-fi. Seagal would be battling a deadly alien queen, in a pumped up, kung fu version of SPECIES. Sadly, the plot was almost completely re-written...and any previously filmed scenes containing 'superhuman' strength, were altered to fit round a deadly new super drug called 'CTX Majestic'

But "how do you change the entire genre of an already filmed movie?"...i hear you ask. I'll tell you how...You dub the shit out of it (with voices that sound more like Peter Falk on angel dust) and frantically chop-and-change the scenes, whilst heavily doubling/dubbing your main star, and giving all the fight scenes to his sidekick. Thus is the (once seen, never forgotten) legend of ATTACK FORCE.

(When the sensei sees red, forgo your rights to breathe)

Seagal stars as (the incredibly named) Marshall Lawson, leader of an elite 'special Ops' unit. A role that Seagal can (and does) play in his sleep. We re first (rather confusingly) introduced to Lawson, as he drives around in a hummer, whilst action and explosions go on elsewhere. This sets a pattern in the movie, of having Lawson take a back seat, whilst the other brave idiots get their heads blown off. It's also apparent, that the voice we hear coming out Seagals mouth, is not his own. And to top it all off (the Peter Falk sound alike) is only one of the many voices that dub seagal throughout this movie (I'd say around 80% of Seagals lines are dubbed)

Anyhow, Lawson gets the drop on the surviving bad guy, from the earlier (seemingly unrelated) action...by disarming him of a foot long scythe-style blade, and returning it (like bad library book) back to the saps cranium. So-far, so-Seagal.....

(Marshall Lawson....The 'Fabio' of the C.I.A.)

Seagal is then seen in a bar in (not-so-sunny) Romania, with his trusty sidekick, Dwayne and the rest of his young rookie strike team. Later that night, the strike team talk amongst themselves about Lawson, and the newest rookie asks the immortal question (in a line of dialogue, that wipes the floor with John Barrowmans 'line' from SHARK ATTACK 3)

"So...Marshall Lawson, what do you guys know about him?......I mean the guy walks with an air of confidence, rarely seen in this day and age"

His colleagues laugh, but are quick to offer the following (self-congratulatory) piece of advice (that i'm sure Seagal himself added to the script)

"There's just two things you need to know about Marshall Lawson...one.....he's and bad motherfucker......and two...he's a BAD motherfucker"

With Lawsons (already) bad-ass credentials suitably set up, his team of young soldiers request a bit of R&R to view some of Romania's cultural high spots, to visit it's many fine monuments and to take in those sweeping vistas......Actually they head straight for the nearest (quote) "Titty-Bar" and soon strike up a deal with this shady looking (Richard Hammond-alike) below, for 'use' of one of his (ahem) 'Ladies of the night'

(This bad guy sells TOP GEAR....geddit?)

Take note of this 'Richard Hammond-alike' as (apparently) he's the criminal mastermind, behind the ensuing carnage to follow. Oh, and it's probably not the best time to mention that this actor was recently jobbing it, as the resident doctor in EASTENDERS (a career high or low, depending on if you can stay awake throughout this review...let alone the actual movie?)

Anyhow, the 3 man unit, take the 'Lady' back to their hotel, for some 'naughty' R&R, and amidst the 3-way rumpo, the woman's eyes change from normal to cat like (in probably the movies FX highlight) This sequence was probably the left-over stuff from the (planned) HARVESTER footage. Anyhow soon this dusky beauty is tearing the 3 man unit into a 12 piece (red) puddle.

And it's in this small sequence, when there's a genuine glimmer of what sci-fi/horror potential this movie might have had. Even the rookie (who praised Lawson earlier ) and wasn't getting much Romanian Rumpo anyhow...is not spared the wrath of this eye-changing alien queen...(err sorry, i mean 'under the influence' psychopath of superhuman strengh)

Of course, Lawson discovers the mutilated bodies (despite casually slamming their lifeless bodies out of his way, when they block his doorway) and despite their hotel room being covered in more blood than humanly possible for 3 guys, Lawson (after little soul-searching) confidently tells Dwayne (as he checks the bodies for pulses) "Don't bother...they're dead" (Lawson is a pro, and knows shit like this)


Understandably pissed (but nicely coiffed) I'd like to say that Lawson goes on a kill crazy rampage of death and destruction.....When in reality, all he does is tries to get clearance into his old CIA building, and peacefully walks away, when refused entrance (but his hearts in the right place) But luckily Lawson has a mole that still works for the 'Company' .....a leggy blonde named Tia (who was once Lawsons lover, and probably still is?)

Anyhow, Lawson sits in a few restaurants, whilst Dwayne 'pumps' him with 'intel' (f'nar, f'nar) about the investigation. It seems that the Richard Hammond look-a-like has been arrested, but the authorities can't touch him. Although soon (and rather confusingly) enough, Lawson and his team get the drop on the prostitute that murdered his unit. Lawson may well grimace over a threatened outbreak of 'CTX Majestic' into Romania's water supply, but i'd be slightly more wary of his on/off girlfriend Tia (as the drugged up prostitute throws her through 3-4 walls...and she gets up, as if she'd been thrown through polystyrene....which she actually was.....but we the humble viewer are not meant to know that)

(Ouch..........Ouch...........Ouch!)

Lawson (sick of fucking around) gives the superhuman bint a few slaps, before questioning her. It gets nowhere, so he stabs the shit out of her (with her own weapons, the previously mentioned scythe like wrist blades) Soon Tia (when she's not getting thrown through walls) uses all her C.I.A technology, and (confusingly) adapts the same weapons to react to Lawsons (no doubt) 'amazing' hand speed. I don't know how the fuck she does it, but we (the lucky viewer are treat to a computer read out, stating: ASSIMILATION COMPLETE) which means one thing...enough of this fighting women shit....LAWSONS ABOUT TO KICK SOME FUCKING ASS!!!!!

Anyhow, the threatened CTX pollution of the towns water supplies goes ahead. And various army units (not Lawson, by the way) siege an attack against the infected (who all have the same 'cat-eye' look and murderous intent)

(Even the smiles were forced on the set of this movie)

After a few fistfights (errr....none of them featuring Lawson) our heroes finally dispatch the bad guy, before coming face to face with another (fucking) woman (seriously Steve, only Ike Turner would approve) and whilst Dwayne fights various bad guys (in some pretty nifty scraps) Lawson is forced (and probably content) to fight another superhuman female (who kicks his ass a little) before he lovingly impales his blade through her skull.

(Seagal attempts to win the 'Rick-James-Mano-O-Womano' smack down of 2006)

After such a monumental battle of (not quite) epic proportions, you'd expect the film-makers to inject a final scene (that could possibly hint to a sequel, or at least tie up the 47 loose threads)....but no. Lawson helps Dwayne limp out, and the next shot is a car driving away. Picture fades, end credits appear.

THE PATRIOT (1998) Steven Seagal

Forget 'straight to video' release, this actually premiered on SKY MOVIES in the UK, before limping to VHS a year or so later. Despite a healthy budget ($25m) and a solid cast, it's UK terrestrial premier, sent tiny alarm bells in my (then) 26 year old head..........what had gone wrong, why no hype, why no cinema release? Undeterred by this, my nephew and myself (and several cans of 'Electric Soup') headed round my brothers house (why?.......because he had SKY TV....posh bastard!) to watch, what i thought would be a non stop action fest.

How wrong i was.

Granted, the cinematography was awesome, but the 'action' was like an Ethiopian Paraplegic (i.e....'Thin On The Ground')

Seagal was fine (if a bit too stationary for my liking, as i was used to seeing him play cops, etc) but as it creaked to the 60 minute mark....everyone watching it, developed that kind of 'apologetic silence' (a sort of "let's STFU and hope it ends soon?" vibe lingered) The 'Stout Sensei' had given us too much change, too soon, too much plot and too much beauty, for us mere (slightly mortalled) mortals to take.

("Doctor, doctor, i've got terrible migraine")

Seagal plays Dr Wesley McClaren, tending to a small town in Montana. He is respected in this small community, and alternates bewtween healing the townsfolk, recieving pies (don't ask!) and spending time with his young daughter, Holly, on their ranch.
Of course, any Seagal movie needs a bad guy, and this is in the form of a 'militia' group, looking to spread a deadly airbourne virus (a'la OUTBREAK, except that neither Dustin Hoffman or Kevin Spacey could flip a drug-dealing rastafarian through a window, by his broken wrist)
Of course, with the townsfolk dropping like flies, it's up to our intrepid doctor and (expendable sidekick) Frank (played by seasoned veteran L.Q. Jones) to save the day. The Militia (dying themselves....nice plan guys!) kidnapp Holly because of her immunity (why not kidnapp McClaren?.......he's bigger, and in true Seagal bravado, probably houses11 pints of blood, unlike mere '10 pint' mortals) So McClaren (who turns out to be Ex-Cia) must come up with a cure (utilizing 'Indian Medicine') and save his daughter from becoming a 'haemoglobic-Teabag' to the crazed militia group.

("Doctor, doctor, i've got stomach pains")

Seagal (sadly) only flips a few bad guys in this one. But gets extra bonus points for kicking a guy into a snack machine (i guess that's Dr Seagals extreme way of getting patients to cut down on sugar?)

Looking at The Patriot now with older eyes (less hair and a beer-gut) it's a masterpiece. I can take the lack of action (which however small, is galaxies ahead of Seagals later 'stunt-doubled Romanian dub-fests') and appreciate the cinematography, scope and drama of it all (WTF...Seagal and Drama...gasp!)

All in all The Patriot is a slow moving, but involving Seagal movie (with 'Western' elements) free of the preaching that befuddled average action audiences (a'la On Deadly Ground or Fire Down Below)

And at (very) least, it's not that terrible Mel Gibson movie

(Steven Seagal is OUT FOR JUSTICE, Snack Machine is OUT OF ORDER)

Movie Highlights

10:36 (Seagals 'hilarious' gag to his daughter about frank "in the outhouse" after too much Tabasco sauce on his eggs)

44:41 (Seagal finally snaps into action)

69:30 (a montage of Seagal 'acting' anger....throwing some chairs, tables, etc)

76:26 (Stop W(h)ining...ha-ha!)