So....let's take a trip back in time (two hours ago to be prescise) and I get wind that there's a new Mel Gibson movie in town. I've never heard of it, vaguely recognise (nor care about) the supporting cast and (most importantly) notice this is a 'Emmett/Furla' (EFF) production.
My inner-Columbo screams "Holy Fuck...Hollywood's one-time MVP turned STD has gone STV"
The underlying question here is....why?
SYNOPSIS
Emile Hirsch (who I barely recognise from the otherwise enjoyable Into The Wild) plays Cardillo, a demoted, embittered, suicidal ex-Police detective with a dark tragic past (tm) who is content to finish out his career in a cushy police surveillance department in Puerto Rico....only to be told one evening, by his angry, shouty superior (tm) to actually get up off his ass and round up a bunch of people refusing to leave their homes (due to a incoming major hurricane heading that way) Cardillo is also partnered up with an attractive female partner (tm) who is his polar opposite (trademark overload)
(Don't worry Emile, that LIONSGATE logo has a similar effect on me too)
Despite Cardillo's reluctance to rock the boat (and actually do some police work) our two cops are called out en route, to an incident at a food market involving a black guy buying up 100lb of meat (mmm, I hope he's not keeping a CGI wildcat in his heavily padlocked cupboard?) Anyhow, as it stands, the two police officerskneel on the black guys windpipe, murdering him, thus causing race riots across the globe escort the black guy home (who coincidentally lives in the same appartment as the other folks they have been sent to round-up.....Holy plot device Batman!) The other tennants consist of some old secretive, German guy (with security cameras in and around his otherwise modest adode) and the other is a grumpy, shouty, sweary, tuberculosis-riddled, ex-cop (tm) named Ray (Mel Gibson) and his nurse daughter (Kate Bosworth)
(Mad Mel sitting in a chair marked 'Bruce Willis')
But if the impending hurricane wasn't enough, the 'Fickle-Finger-Of-Fate' has also sent a group of murderous thieves to this apartment block (armed to the teeth) looking to 'liberate' valuable paintings (Once again, my inner-Columbo assures me that neither the mysterious old German guy or the largely unseen big cat locked away in the cupboard will in no way, shape or form, bear any relevance to the outcome of the 'Pinteresque' melding of convential crime and drama tropes on display)
Despite not knowing of this movies existence a few hours ago...a cursory investigation confirmed my initial fears.....when I read that Mel Gibson took the role after Bruce (fucking) Willis opted out.
(Talk about a closed-Set?)
It's never a good sign, when Bruce (paypal-verified) Willis drops out of his customary 'Two-Day-Stay' work ethic, which invariably involves his usual fifteen minutes of 'sit-down-thesping' (for around $1m+ salary) But to be fair, I prefer Gibson over Wilis anyhow (even if Hollyweird doesn't) So as the movie unfolded, I was prepared for Mad Mel to have the (customary) switch-and-bait screentime of around 15-20 minutes (spaced out to give the impression he's headlining it, no less) Although Mel (here looking even more grizzled and Beard-ier) doesn't disgrace himself....the script takes that honour.....Alas all we're left with here is an OK-ish opening 20 minutes...followed by multiple 'myopic-shooters' wandering around endless coridoors of the world's smallest apartment block....as the supporting cast, pad out the running time with backstory, exposition and even (despite their predicament) tonal-shifting levity.
(A typically 'tense' scene)
(Don't worry Emile, that LIONSGATE logo has a similar effect on me too)
Despite Cardillo's reluctance to rock the boat (and actually do some police work) our two cops are called out en route, to an incident at a food market involving a black guy buying up 100lb of meat (mmm, I hope he's not keeping a CGI wildcat in his heavily padlocked cupboard?) Anyhow, as it stands, the two police officers
(Mad Mel sitting in a chair marked 'Bruce Willis')
But if the impending hurricane wasn't enough, the 'Fickle-Finger-Of-Fate' has also sent a group of murderous thieves to this apartment block (armed to the teeth) looking to 'liberate' valuable paintings (Once again, my inner-Columbo assures me that neither the mysterious old German guy or the largely unseen big cat locked away in the cupboard will in no way, shape or form, bear any relevance to the outcome of the 'Pinteresque' melding of convential crime and drama tropes on display)
REVIEW
Despite not knowing of this movies existence a few hours ago...a cursory investigation confirmed my initial fears.....when I read that Mel Gibson took the role after Bruce (fucking) Willis opted out.
(Talk about a closed-Set?)
It's never a good sign, when Bruce (paypal-verified) Willis drops out of his customary 'Two-Day-Stay' work ethic, which invariably involves his usual fifteen minutes of 'sit-down-thesping' (for around $1m+ salary) But to be fair, I prefer Gibson over Wilis anyhow (even if Hollyweird doesn't) So as the movie unfolded, I was prepared for Mad Mel to have the (customary) switch-and-bait screentime of around 15-20 minutes (spaced out to give the impression he's headlining it, no less) Although Mel (here looking even more grizzled and Beard-ier) doesn't disgrace himself....the script takes that honour.....Alas all we're left with here is an OK-ish opening 20 minutes...followed by multiple 'myopic-shooters' wandering around endless coridoors of the world's smallest apartment block....as the supporting cast, pad out the running time with backstory, exposition and even (despite their predicament) tonal-shifting levity.
(A typically 'tense' scene)
Production wise, everything was competent...as to be expected from EFF, albeit too predictable (right down to the prerequisite overhead drone shots) but the sparse low-rent locations (clouded by wind machines and rain sprinklers) drag proceedings further down. What could have been a tense piece of 'siege-cinema', is saddled with both uninteresting support and predictable 'plot-devices' will leave the viewer (like the cast) checking your watch (for 'clocking off' time) at around the midway mark. The movie even has the gall to open up with a 'flash-forward' scene
(involving Gibson) which would be OK if it had any later relevance....but alas it doesn't.....it's inclusion is there to both pad
out the running time and give the gave the movie a bit more
(much-needed) Mel.
(Gibson 'thanks' his agent)
I'd like to fool myself into thinking that Mel Gibson was doing a 'Cassavetes' here (i.e, securing funds for one of his own master-works) Yet however UNJUSTLY reviled his standing may be in Tinsletown, I'm almost certain he doesn't need whatever little money was on offer here.....and given his many directorial flourishes, woulda-coulda-shoulda at least have a better 'eye' for picking projects. Given Willis' almost coma-like performances of late, Gibson (to his credit) gives a little more 'oomph' and takes the fight to the (one-dimensional) bad guys on a few occasions, but come the halfway mark, seems as disinterested with it as you'll be.
Bruce Willis' loss...Is also Mel Gibsons loss (and now ours)
FACTOID
IMDB have the estimated budget for this to be at $23,000,000 (meaning that either Gibsons salary was $22m....or that the accountants involved should be handed the 'Glengarry' leads)
Too many glib asides to be taken as a (serious) review
ReplyDeletei didnt understand a word of this review.
ReplyDeleteSeeing the cooments I understand that the people that came here through IMDB are really well versed in the DTV UNIVERSE.
ReplyDeleteThe review was GREAT and I for one just found out about this bolg/site and bookmarked it on the spot. The "paypal verified" next to Bruce Willis' name plus the knowledge of how EFO (former EFF) works are bagdes of honour.
Nothing understand what the review was
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteYou'd understand if you could speak English.
Deletesunny4826 It was bad dude. Not good at all.
ReplyDeleteOne of the funniest reviews I've read. I work at a movie store and cant be bothered with watching most of these DTV productions, but people are always wondering if the movie is good. Looks like this one will get the standard "some good moments but bogs down in the middle" thanks for the work Mike Rowe
ReplyDeleteGreat review for a very sad & bland movie... will check out your reviews before watching shit in the future!
ReplyDeleteWhat does all the (tm) in your review mean? Are they supposed to be links to advertisements?
ReplyDeleteWell, one reason Gibson might be reviled in Tinsletown may be that people like me won't pay a penny to see any film he is associated with.
ReplyDelete