I only sat through 'DEADLOCK' less than a week ago, which (for all it's faults) was a giant step up from the (resistible) APEX? (released eons ago....in late October) In fact, the previously aformentioned 'Deadlock' was so 'competent' by comparrison, I almost forgot I was watching a Willis DTV release at certain points) despite Patrick Muldoon's (attrocious) 'Pacino-Wig'
Can Brucie hit of homerun of two 'competent' releases in under a calandar month?
Are things that bad, that mere competency is now deemed the gold-standard?
Read on (if you dare) to find out:
THE PLOT:
Retired, mean old bastard Robert Michaels (Willis...who else?) lives in an idyllic (yet oddly, security-heavy) retreat (for older folks) 'The Forge Mt. Retreat'. This place is so cut-off and remote that internet signals are pretty much a no-no, which is the ideal place for an old grouch like Willis (and his fellow group of miserable crusties) to spend their twilight years in. Of course, Willis can't just be any old common-garden coffin-dodger, so we're treat to an opening scene of him at the camp's 'Shooting-Range' (gee, I hope he doesn't have to utilize such marksmanship later on in the movie, etc?)
Robert's (estranged) son, Paul (Jesse Metcalfe) has been given hand-written directions, to visit his father. Upon arrival, he is greeted by a (rather, foxy and likewise underdressed) camp counsellor, Kate (Kelly Grayson, who's quite easy on the eye) and 'sparks ignite' (tm) between the two. Turns out that Wilis had largely abandoned his son (after his spouse died) and there's both resentment (plus a shit-ton of bridge-building required) to put this Father-Son dynamic back together. Paul (himself a computer whizz) has a 'Crypto-Currency' business that he'd like his father to invest $5m into (to which Willis remarks "Does it look like I have five million dollars?") But before you can (sarcastically) scream "How about spending five fucking days on a film set Bruce" at the screen......A group of hevily armed mercenaries attack the camp (killing everyone in their path) looking for Willis (is Robert Michaels all he seems?)
Does the Pope shit in the woods?
REVIEW:
Right off the bat, FORTRESS is much better than the (lamentable) APEX (although to be fair, wiping your ass with a chainsaw would be comparitively less painful) So, as far as actually good movies go, expectations still need to be lowered here. The good news is, Willis knows his place here (and so does the director) so no real pretence is foisted upon our bald (slightly rotund) sexagenarian to act like a thirty something Tony Jaa.
Yes, Willis spends an awful lot of time seated (surely contractural, at this point?) and is starting to resemble Don Rickles (minus the wit, humour, work-ethic and athleticism) but in no way, shape or form, is he (falsely) advertised as the lead here (thankfuly)
Top-billed Jesse Metcalfe puts in another of his (patented) servicable, rent-a-hunk performances (and alongside Kelly Grayson) takes the physical-fightback to the bad guys.
The Mercenariess consist of the usual stereotypes found in action cinema....Black hard-ass, Burly second-in-command, and not forgetting the Lara Croft wannabe (replete with annoying front-tuft of hair)
There's an attempt at 'comedy' (oh dear God, no) in the form of gun-happy park ranger(?) Ken Blain (Michael Sirow) who (even in the midst of a terrorist siege) saunters along on a golf-cart (at full 8mph) blasting out (largely shit) rap music (way to evade the bad-guys, eh?) Although his character is actually more pivotal to the plot, than would first seem. However, what was (a little) shocking was seeing Shannon Doherty as Military big wig (I guess Dean Cain was too busy making Hallmark Christmas movies, that afternoon, to participate?) but thankfuly too, Doherty's role wasn't as one-note as first feared.
To be fair, the performances (minus some terrible line delivery from Willis) were OK for such an otherwise lowly DTV effort. All rounded off by a suitably hissable performance by Chad Michael Murray (in his third Willis movie in under a year) as the main bad guy, Balzary.
The UK's Simon Phillips (a likeable actor, and star of many homegrown 'ooligan' movies) keeps the British end up, with his brief role of a smart-ass cab driver (it's his second collaboration with Willis this year also)
But just before Myself and this movie get a hotel room together (for an evening of self-recriminating, cinematic bukkake) there's still quite a few flaws to be found here (namely....yup, you guessed it....Bruce Fucking Willis)
(Willis at his most animated)
Whilst working within his (already, broad) limitations of an 'Action-Star', Willis still managed to infuriate me, with some of the worst line delivery (this side of Neil Breen) His earlier scenes with Metcalfe have been clearly shot in Willis' (customary) one-day 'shoot'....but the film-makers haven't even given him a body-double to emote with. The result sounds exactly like what it is....a shopping list of (interchangable) hoary old cliches (read out with all the urgency of such) Timing, delivery, emotion and punctuation are clearly not on Willis' list of priorities here (it seems as if he was rushed into reciting them all, before his dreaded 'overtime-meter' cost the producers another half million dollars) What was even more baffling, was that even when Willis shared shots with his fellow thespians, his overall 'delivery' was still cat-shit out of a dogs ass?
Also (and I'm not sure if this was an intentional dig at Willis?) but early on in the movie, he's sat down (for an unique change) flipping through an old family photo album....and there's a picture of him jumping into a lake with his (presumably younger) son....Proving that even in DTV-Purgetory, Bruce Willis' most precious memories are also body-doubled from behind.
All in all, Fortress (like Deadlock) is serviceable enough DTV potboiler. Lionsgate are back on board for this one (replete with customary overhead drone shots, and almost-theatrical-alike soundtrack and lensing) If you're expecting another Die Hard movie (even part 5) you're gonna be shit outta' luck. However, I'd like to think that the few that visit this blog, possess a forgiving streak (given the already Herculean endurance required to read my illiterate ramblings) So if you're willing to forgo the CGI spectacle of mainstream cinema (for something a little more akin to a 'polished' Roger Corman 80's knock-off) then you could do a lot worse than Fortress (although be warned, that I'm an easily-pleased movie pervert and wouldn't wish my admittedly low expectations on anyone)
The movie ends on a note, that paves the way for a sequel.....and it's actually in post production (meaning that it'll be released around the time I've run my (usually unsuccessful) grammarly scan through this review) So I reckon the (30+ accredited) producers got so much Willis' shopping-list line recital on film, they've decided to cobble up another movie out of such (wonder if they can have it released by Christmas?)
