Thursday 28 October 2021

APEX (2021) Bruce Willis / Neal McDonough




SYNOPSIS


In the near future, rich sick-fucks (are they any other kind?) can be teleported at a moments notice to the monthly (high-price) 'APEX' hunting experience (located on a mysterious uncharted island) The 'prey' are selected for their violent tendencies and general alround bad-assery. One seasoned (seen-it-all, killed-it-all) hunter, Samuel Rainsford (Neal McDonough) is becoming jaded with the (all-too-easy) hunts (and despite his billionaire status, is clearly a few cans short of a six-pack, himself)
The 'Apex' corporation save the best til last....in the (listless) form of ex-cop, turned violent criminal and (Quote) "Fucking Degenerate", Thomas Malone (Bruce Willis) who has been kept in a (quote) "Sensory-Deprivation-Cell" (due to his crazy, psychotic temprament) Rainsford is joined on the hunt by a handful of former comrades (some with axes to grind with each other)

If Malone can survive the 12 hour manhunt, he'll be pardoned and given a shit-ton of money for the grandchildren he's only just found out exist.

Let the hunt begin.....

(A watch that tells you when it's time to retire...DrumRollCymbal)

REVIEW

This is Bruce (Paypal-Verified) Willis' FIFTH release of 2021, and with two more 'movies'* in the can (or more likely on 'videotape) this is surely a an actors* yearly output world record (eclipsing Steven Seagals six movie run in 2016) So before I outright rag on the artist-formely-known-as-John-McClane, I sort of admire his work ethic in 2021 (especially in the kung-flu times we're in) I say "Sort-Of" because despite the quantity of projects, Willis' decade-long 'work-ethic' largely consists of doing as little as possible on set (for a day or two) whilst other (less expensive) actors do all the physical stuff......Needless to say, it's business as usual (with a semmingly lower budget than usual)

(There goes my 'uncharted island' theory?)


Thankfuly, the budget wisely opts to keep FX simple (with only a few futuristic 'trappings' on display here) What limited work there is, is typically low-rent (largely inexcusable in 2021) generic landscapes mixed with some extremely ropey opticals near the end. Joking aside, it does literally seem as if the entire budget went on getting Willis (whose one-time command of a million dollars a day, are surely well and truly behind him at this stage?) so only God knows what the actual budget was?

(A gathering of Hunter Gatherers)


But given my perverse love of bad movies (featuring, used, washed-up, degraded, semi-abused, possibly-suicidal actors) I can forgive a low budget or shoddy FX, as long as they bring 'something' to the movie (even if they're merely content to inhale the stale-farts of former glories) However, Willis brings absolutely NOTHING here, other than winning the 'Most Imobile Performance' since Christopher Reeve in 'Rear Window' (1998) Of course, the biggest question here is, how can Willis play the lead in an action movie and still manage his customary fifteen minutes of inactive screen time....The answer (as per usual) lies in the supporting cast.

(Neal McDonough considers hunting down his agent)

 

Thankfuly, the ever dependable Neal McDonough is on hand, to pick up the slack that Willis' is clearly incapable of nowadays. It's sad to see McDonough clearly thinking he's in a better movie than he actually is (and his performance seems out of place amongst the surrounding dreck) Yes, it's the billionth 'Most Dangerous Game' knock-off (since 1932) and despite McDonough's soliloquies lamenting the complexities between of hunter & prey......the script* still saddles his character with both terrible errors of judgementand contridictory arcs.
But as an actor...He tries (and doesn't shame the movie as much as it shames him)

(Lochlyn Load......DrumRollCymbal Part 2)

 

Lochlyn Munro (no stranger to DTV land) puts in another likable performance (and has a pretty tense 'Bluff-Calling' sequence with McDonough early on in the hunt) Sadly his character is taken out of the movie all too soon.  The scripwriters*get round Willis' commitment-coma by having the fellow hunters 'off' each other, whilst a largely inactive Willis looks on at said carnage from nearby bushes and shrubbery (and despite his bright red jacket, most times right in front of the myopic hunters noses) The kiils (apart from a nasty 'skull in head' moment) aren't particulary graphic or memorable.

(I now proounce you man and knife)

 

In fact, there's a sequence around the half-way mark, featuring Willis sauntering through the woodlands (without a care in the world) replete with twee soundtrack (think John Barry's 'Florida Fantasy' from Midnight Cowboy) If the former 'Last Boy Scout' looked any more relaxed, I'd be tempted to wager that this movie was entirely constructed around one of his vacation videos? And because of Willis' bald, frail-looking visage, he's a lot easier to 'body-double' nowadays and is done so, frequently in the final 10-15 minures (in sequence featuring said 'body-double' offing a dozen, hastily-added teleported hunters)

(Bruce Willis, in a typically 'tense' moment of being hunted)


To add further insult to injury, almost every character throughout this movie points out that Willis' character is old, senile and past it  (take a fucking hint Bruce?)  Which would be fine if Willis didn't prove them right in every scene he's in. The one (half-assed) attempt to big-up Willis, is a female AI hologram stating (Quote) "Pardon my French, but the man is a motherfucker" (which, when bereft of attributive adjectives such as 'Mean' or 'Bad', merely imply that Malone has a penchant for 'Incest') and hardly the iconic HAL 9000 quote that the scriptwriters envisioned it to be?)

(Dictionary definition of 'Mug-Shot')


To wrap up this review (and trust me, I've given more attention to it, than the scriptwriters* did) 'APEX' highlights little but the continuous downfall of( the once mighty) Bruce (Google-Pay) Willis. It would seem that even Emmet/Furla (EFO) and/or Lionsgate aren't interested, this time around (even if the prerequisite overhead 'Drone-Shots' continue) At 66 years of age, I wasn't expecting Willis to be remaking 'Surviving The Game' (despite releasing a movie entitled 'SURVIVE THE GAME' a mere thirty days earlier) But for both Bruce (and the film-makers) to be so lackadaisical, in a movie (and genre) that should be anything but....is frankly, inexcusable.

It's one thing to phone-in a performance.....But Willis seems to be making collect-calls?


 

 

* = Alleged

12 comments:

  1. This was truly the most dire movie I have watched in many a year, I can only assume that the director had a sense of humour when he named Willis' character as "The Mutilator". The only thing Willis mutilated was my acceptance of sitting through his performance and any chance I have of ever watching another one of the pig poor movies he is churning out with horrifying frequency. If was he was given a $100 bill for his acting performance here, his sense of what is morally right should have resulted in him returning $99 of it

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  2. That is one fucking funny review my man. I'm just about to watch it (don't worry I won't give any feedback on it - like anyone will give a shit). But I will be thinking about your comments while I'm watching which will in no doubt improve the experience.

    Cheers

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    Replies
    1. Hand on heart, I can't say (or even hope) you enjoy the movie....Just 'experience' or 'endure' it, and feel free to let me know what you thought of it, good or (likely) bad?

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    2. What about those teleportation poles in the middle of a field? They weren't even straight, looked like they had been used for swing-ball. I got to the point where Brucey ingests some berries then is notified via omnipresent hologram woman that they have been transformed into "Psilocybin / ayahuasca" due to tachyon radiation.

      My brain said - "That's enough of that" and that's where me and the movie parted ways but your comments carried me through up that point with a wee chuckle here and there.

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  3. Yep, the movie was trash! Bruce did absolutely nothing physical all movie and was absolutely no 'motherfucker' as stated earlier.

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  4. I just finished, and searched up your review to see what others think. My comments throughout pretty much echo yours. It sort of reminded me of Cross Wars, with Vinnie Jones and Jason Statham delivering the saddest performances of their respective careers. I'd like to add that Bruce plays pretty well in the last scene where he kills McDonnough; I see it as an example of how the chemistry between two actors really can make their performance. The movie is also somewhat salvaged by not taking itself seriously, and bits of it were funny enough to make me laugh, as it pokes fun at all the tropes of the genre.

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  5. Why is Nels Lennarson doing an awful Irish accent? I was glad to see him die

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  6. Having a hard time sitting through 20 minutes of an absolute train wreck of a story and a horrible script.

    Infact, a train wreck would be even more interesting.

    This was boring, lame and stupid on too many levels.

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  7. It's still better than Hudson Hawk...

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