Sunday 29 May 2011

GAME OF DEATH (2010) Wesley Snipes


This is the first 'Wesley Snipes' movie I've reviewed here. To be honest, I've not been impressed with his previous DTV outings (although i did enjoy the 'off-beat' HARD LUCK...which most people seem to dislike?) So it's with brave trepidation that I dived head-on into his latest release GAME OF DEATH. The title alone is enough to make any self-respecting Bruce Lee fan piss-shit out their a-holes.....But it would be interesting to see if Snipes could invest a bit more time and effort on this project, with jail looming over his head (plus i picked it up 'new' for 99p)

Align Centre
Snipes plays 'Agent Marcus' a tough as nails CIA operative, who (together with his elite team) does the 'dirty-work' for the government, by eliminating those undesirable kingpins/drug barons/gun-runners/czars (blah, blah, blah...Kneecap Hill) Marcus' team includes Zander (Gary Daniels) and Flora (Zoe Bell) and the movie opens with the team taking out an arms dealer in New York. But for all his ruthless efficiency, Marcus seems 'Burnt-Out' (tm) and in need of 'Redemption' (tm)

("Are they taxes in heaven, father?")

We cut to Detroit, and see Marcus hiding out in a car, watching a kindly neighbourhood Reverend, Clarence (Ernie Hudson) playing basketball with the local kids. Marcus follows the Rev to his church, and offers him a cool million dollars, if he'll sit and listen to his confession. Clarence admits that the neighbourhood could do with the money, and lends a sympathetic ear to Marcus' problems.

("Your place or mine?")

Snipes goes into flashback mode, and we see him being congratulated for the earlier New York 'hit' and given new instructions for the next job. It seems the CIA want Marcus to infiltrate the world of 'finance-dealer/Gun-Runner' Frank Smith (Robert Davi) which will lead up the corporate ladder to 'backer' Redvale Industries. Upon earning their trust, he is ordered to terminate both parties (forewarned with the usual CIA failure/unaccountability bullshit)

(Deplorable Flora & Zander meander)

Marcus briefs both Zander and Flora on the details, and (six months later) he is soon in the employment and confidence of Smith. During a flight, Marcus realises that despite the many scare stories....Smith may not be the "Mean Bastard" the CIA have painted him to be. Marcus escorts Smith to a meeting/payoff ($100m) with Redvale. But greed has gotten the better of both Zander and Flora who (sick of playing second fiddle) decide to doublecross Marcus and bag the money for themselves.

("Must be weird not having anyone come on ya'?")

Matters are made worse when Smith has a heart attack in the back of the limo, and Marcus rushes him to the hospital (strange, given his objective?) whilst dodging gunfire from Zander and Co, who want him alive and well for his payday with Redvale. Marcus has his guns confiscated by hospital security...But Zander and his goons are fully armed, and ready to kill anyone that gets in their way.....Let the 'Game' begin.


Marcus rumbles the double cross and takes out several of Zanders henchmen (in probably the movies standout fight, a brutally efficient 'Seagal-like' snap fest in a psychiatric ward, replete with 'off-key' piano playing and screams from it's frightened patients...reminiscent of the 'Crazy Village' segment from GYMKATA) Flora chases Marcus all around the hospital (probably the most deserted 'institution' since HALLOWEEN II) offering up "Join Us" (tm) remarks, whilst at the same time, trying to shoot the shit out of him.

(Davi pondered his stay at he 'Bond-Villain-Retirement-Home')

Zander finds Smith, and forces the head nurse, Rachael to keep him alive (by fair means or foul) long enough to complete his meeting with Redwood. Rachael (under Zanders threat of "You either give him a shot...or take one yourself") explains that the cardiac catheterization procedure will take 30 minutes, before Smith can be moved (allowing more time for Marcus to fuck up more henchmen in the meantime)

(Wesley and his cell-mate)

And fuck-them-up he does, but after another round of shoot-outs, Flora gets the upper-hand and captures him. Zander gives Marcus the old "We could have been great together" bullshit, and despite having the opportunity to kill him....doesn't! (which ruins a lot of well built-up credibility, at this point) instead Zander decides to frame Marcus for all the hospital carnage, leading the CIA on a wild goose chase....whilst giving himself time to get Smith to his payday with Redvale.

("Are those Argyle socks?")

Redvale (replete with 'goombah' mafioso demeanor) smells a rat at Smiths new concerned chaperone's, but is soon outgunned, and forced to proceed to the vault, for the $100m. However a framed and furious Marcus steals an ambulance and heads over to Redvales for a final showdown with Zander and Co. Rachael gets caught in a 'Mexican Standoff'.....Smith takes a stand...and Revdale takes a knife in the back. Marcus ploughs through the remaining bad guys, before chasing Zander up to the rooftop for a tasty rumble...which barely leaves the badguy a leg to stand on (literally)

("Where's Woody Harrelson when I need him?")

With the 'Game' over (but our hero still wanted by the CIA) we then flash forward back to the church, where father Clarence implores Marcus to "Have faith" before launching into a (well-needed) Lords Prayer (Amen to that...you fucking atheists!) Marcus leaves the money with the padre, and returns to watch the neighbourhood kids play basketball as therapy for his 'redemption' (and probably for Snipes to reflect on his prison-less 'Box-Office' days of WHITE MEN CAN'T JUMP)



GAME OF DEATH is a pretty kick-ass movie (and I think my low expectations only helped matters) The cast is good (about time someone had a bit of faith in Daniels) and it's great to see Robert Davi again. I don't know if Snipes' IRS troubles plagued him during filming, but it added to his performance of a troubled, haunted man. And the fight scenes were brutal (and as mentioned, 'vintage-Seagal-Like') and despite my preference towards the psychiatric ward rumble...the final scrap between Daniels and Snipes didn't disappoint either.


The negatives being the (almost) non-stop 'avid fart'/black and white filters/overlays/slo-mo/speed-up techniques that pepper the first half (but thankfully wane off at the 40 minute mark) And Zanders plan/motives were also full of confusing plot holes:

A) Why did he open fire on a guy he (ultimately) had to keep alive?
B) Why not wait utill Smith had the money, before attempting the sting?
C) Why not kill Marcus when he had a clear chance?


Plot holes aside, the movie has enough plus points to outweigh the negative aspects. The 12 minute 'Making-Of' also highlights the fact that (cash-struck) Detroit has great 'Tax Incentives' for film-makers (wow.... an action movie that Michael Moore could be proud of?) and it's basic one (or two) main settings adds to the claustrophobic tension, that most Wesley Snipes films lack. Plus his IRS problems prevented the star from leaving the country, meaning this movie was NOT filmed in Romania.


Final thoughts: If you watch only one GAME OF DEATH, make it the 1978 Bruce Lee (cut-and-paste-ploitation) classic (which is still light years ahead of any 'homage' from any 'lantern-jawed hack director') However, if you want a brutal, good looking action thriller (despite early headache inducing avid farts) with a above average DTV cast....Wesley Snipes finally delivers the goods. I'm now looking to acquire the movie on Blu-Ray (if that's any kind of recommendation?) despite having 50+ discs and still not owning a player

(The 'Money-Shot' of the movie)

Wednesday 4 May 2011

STREET WARS (2011) Steven Seagal


More tepid 'Seagalism', as the (yet-to-be-broadcast) series TRUE JUSTICE, spawns another deceitful 2 episode mix-up, masquerading as a feature film. DEADLY JUSTICE was the plodding first entry in the adventures of Seattle sheriff Elijah Kane and his crack (addict) team of awe-struck cops....is STREET WARS (effectively episodes 3 and 4) any better?



Picture opens at a rave club. Pretty young things are 'shaking their meat to the disco beat' as a shifty looking drug dealer, Tom, is selling 'ecstasy pills' to a young dancers (oooh, how topical!) Despite it being clearly night-time, we bizarrely cross-cut back and forth with Kane and his crew, chasing some 'free-running' criminals, who are jumping around like the mad monkey fighter from OUT FOR A KILL.....in broad daylight!

("Snap you bastard!")

Of course, we all know that Kane's younger (fitter) colleagues haven't a chance of nailing this 'parkour-perp', so the monkey man has the decency to run past the stout sensei (saving him any kind of chase scene) whilst his (ever humbled) colleagues gush about how 'difficult' it was to catch him (again, stroking Seagals omnipotent ego)

(The only able-bodied guy to ever give Seagal an order)

Back to the rave club, the inane music, pointless slow-mo's and avid farts continue...the girl takes the pills and drops dead on the dancefloor (amidst unaffected party goers) On the other side of town, Sheriff Graves demands that Kane 'babysit' the mayors son Gates, (fuck me, Seagal actually having a higher power!) Gate's reckons himself as a ladies man (sorry Homes, only room for one 'pipe-layer' on this show)



The next day, we see Tom's father (a dead ringer for Montell Williams) stand off to some low-life mafioso wannabes in the middle of the street. As the convo gets heated, passers by take notice of these hoodrats (one even films them trying to accost 'montell' on his mobile phone, and is shot for his troubles) The hoods take Montell and flee the scene.

(At which point would you stop filming a guy coming at you with a gun?)

More soap opera histrionics ensue, as it transpires that Kanes right-hand man Andre Mason, has septicemia (requiring an inhaler......I guess given the skepticism the inhaler recieves, implies that only 'physical perfection' can reach the high benchmark that Kane sets himself and his team? On top of all this, Masons wife is also pregnant, plus her constant bitching of "Kane and the job consume every part of you" prompts her to leave the (lazy-eyed) defective detective.

(The 'BLAZING SADDLES' remake was coming along nicely)

Gates is scoring 'zero-play' with (one-time rookie) cop Sarah, who spurns his corny advances (like i said, only co-writer Seagal, gets the trim around here ) Kane and his team, find and arrest Tom at a rave. They question him about his supplies, and clue him in on the many subsequent deaths they have caused. Kane even asks "Where Yo Daddy?" to the bemused drug-dealer

(Typical sheriffs office....Swords, Guitars, blondes)

Turns out the sinister mafioso types all work for bigwig who's (Einstein-like) masterplan is to flood the existing dealers with his lethal supply, so he can step in with his 'good' drugs (wtf?) More drug related deaths follow. Gates goes behind the Kanes back, and cut side deals with a female DEA agent Stephanie, to get vital 'intel' on the case. Not long afterwards, Gates is ran over, and hospitalised during a shootout. Kane suspects that there's a 'Rat' in the force?

("This time...he's bringing out the big guns")

An incarcerated Tom tells kane the whereabouts of the bad guys drug factory, and Kane (with his superhuman cunning) deduces (correctly) that this is where Toms father is being held. Our elite team are soon there, shooting the shit out of various bad guys, and even Kane gets to thrown down some aikido on a few of the criminals. Toms dad is rescued, and all the bumbling bad guys (who don't come quietly) are blasted to piss.

(The 'Boss-With-No-Name' )

It's at this point, if you're still awake (or sober) you may notice the (more than obvious) shift between the two episodes. At this point we are introduced to the 'Head Honcho' behind the fatal drugs. I don't think they give him a name (but the henchmen call him "Boss" a lot) and to be honest, I'm in no mood to watch this fucker anytime soon, just to find his name. All I'll say is this:

1) He looks like the result of a 'ménage à trois' between Ed Lauter, Randy Quaid and Terry O'Quinn

2) He is introduced, sat in his limousine watching a (brief) snippet of 'A DANGEROUS MAN' on his television

("Yes your honour, he accidentally broke both his arms before killing himself")

Anyhow, turns out Kane left one survivor of the drugs raid (well, this is tv after all) and he's been shipped to prison. The 'Boss-With-No-Name' orders the survivor to be 'shanked', and Kane arrives, just as the hitman has dropped the blade. Despite being caught red-handed, he (wisely) pleads "I have no beef with you" to a disinterested Kane, who glibly retorts "You will, when you get done with this beating man" before kicking the living fuck out of him and promptly slashing his throat (True Justice indeed) A few more scenes like this, wouldn't have gone amiss.

After a hard day, killing and maiming, Sheriff Kane likes nothing better than sitting in his office, playing guitar (instead of trying to catch criminals) and seems oddly annoyed at having 'police work' interrupt his 'slowhand'

(Eric Clapped-out)

DEA agent Stephanie is found shot to shit. Kane smells a rat (or is it the script?) and has a private meeting with her boss (DEA big cheese) Jack, warning him about the 'rat'they agree to share 'intel' on the case, starting with access to Stephanies computer files. Back at the police station, a (camp as tents) film-maker Seban (Bryon Mann, underused as usual, but having fun for a change) is making a movie about inner city crime, and has it on approval by the Mayor, that Kane let himself and cameraman tag along (given the hospitalisation of his nephew, I'd say this Mayor was a fucking idiot?)

(Oh Mann)

Whilst out filming, Mason, Sebon and the film-crew are soon kidnapped by thugs and taken to an abandoned warehouse (tm) and set as bait for Kane and Co,. The goons boobytrap the building with explosives. Will Kane detect the tripwires (is Russell Brand deeply unfunny?) A shootout follows with the younger bucks, whilst Kane (replete with epileptic editting) chops his way through the few remaining bad-guys (accompanied by a thumping 'Nu-Metal' score) After fucking up (rather easily) the only bad guy who had a chance of fighting back, Sensei Kane remarks "It's a shame you couldn't fight better man, I'da love to kill yo ass!" Sarah gets an eleventh hour phone call from Gates, which is a vital clue to the identity of the 'rat' in the force.

("Steady on fucko!")

Putting two-and-two-together, Kane arrests DEA boss Jack for being the mole (and for Stephanie's murder) and soon everyone is at the hospital bedside of Gates, making shit-eating grins. Gates it appears has cut the mustard as a cop, resulting in the following (and quite frankly...expected) final ego-stroke for the Stout Sensei:

Kane "I got somebody I gotta see, so I gotta hurry"

Gates "Figures.......Who is it this week?"

Enter a glamorous woman (at least 35 years younger than her date) walk in, plant a kiss on our hero.

Kane "What, this one?.......This womans stalking me.......She's stalking me"

(Women want him...Men wanna' be him)

STREET WARS has a few fight scenes here and there, but (sadly) it's obvious why this hasn't been syndicated yet (quite frankly, it's even duller than it's predecessor) Once again editing two plodding episodes together, doesn't make it any more exciting (or coherent) In a David Lynchian stroke, one scene jumps forward (quote) "THREE DAYS LATER" just to accommodate a plot contrivance, only to be followed (a minute later) with "BACK TO PRESENT"....Maybe Tarantino can fool the masses with shit like this, but it's a huge 'fuck you' to it's audience, that makes me angry for buying this fucking release in the first place.

(At least someone's getting a kick out of Street Wars?)

Seagal seems bored (and all this 'nice' stuff is making me yearn for him to utter "Chickenshit-Fucking-Pussy-Asshole" once in a while) The few fight scenes are filmed and edited by Michael J fox (on ritalin) with nary a trademark 'Aikido-move' amongst them. A few minor (trademark) ego strokes and moments of 'What-The-Fuck-Ness' hardly justifies a lethargic 90 minute snooze-fest. I tell you, if this wasn't Seagal up on the screen, i'd be out on the streets, fucking up all and sundry, demanding my money back.


For Seagal completists, and movie perverts (like myself) only!